Beogradjanka u Istanbulu/ Serbian girl in Istanbul

Bio je oblačan dan. Jedan od onih izdajničkih, da nikad ne znaš da li će izaći sunce ili udariti munje i gromovi. Avion je bio skoro prazan. Bila sam previše uzbudjena da bi se ičega sem toga sećala. I, nažalost, uvek prisutan osećaj da sam sama. I hiljadu pitanja. Da li ću se snaći? Da li ću ikada pod tudjim nebom biti srećna? Da li će me ugrejati  tudje sunce? I sama sam sebi tada bila stranac. Zalutala u sopstvenoj koži. Imala sam previše razloga da brinem, da je skala okrenula 360 stepeni i vratila se na početak, tako da sam bila bezbrižna. Po principu: Ako preživim, preživim. 

Stigla sam na Taksim. Bio je haos pred izbore. Mladi su išli obučeni u bele majice sa likovima lidera, držali su neke transparente i ja sam se našla medju njima sa svojih nekoliko kofera koji su imali više kilograma od mene. Taksista, naravno, nije znao engleski. Ledila mi se krv u žilama od te atmosfere I od nemira u vazduhu. I nemira u meni. On je uvek bio tu da me ubedi  da nam je stan blizu, da stižemo za pet minuta. 

Bio je to veliki grad za mene. Dovoljno veliki  za sve moje nade, sumnje, strahove, za sve moje promene raspolozenja, za sreću i suze. Za svačije. Plašila sam se ko ću postati ovde. I tako je počeo ostatak mog života. Prvim korakom na Taksimu. Bilo je sunčano. Ubrzo sam se zaljubila u grad.

                                                                       ***

Clouds. One of those days when you don’t know whether to expect sun or lightening. The plane was almost empty. I was too excited and overwhelmed to remember anything. And there it was… the feeling that I was alone. And thousand questions. Just a huge mess in my head. Am I gonna be able to find my way? Am I ever gonna be happy there? I felt I was a stranger in my own skin. Just lost. I had too many reasons to worry, so that the scale turned around, 360 degrees, so I wasn’t worried at all. Overthinking. 

Arrived at Taksim. It was hectic before the elections. Young people were dressed in white T-shirts with their leaders on it and I was among them with my luggage that was heavier than me. Taxi driver, of course, didn’t speak a word of English. I was freaking out in that atmosphere. You could feel tension everywhere. And inside me. He was always there to convince me that our flat was in the neighbourhood, that we were gonna be there in 5 minutes.

Enormous city. It was big enough to blow my mind, and to host all my hopes, fears, doubts, mood swings, happiness on one side and tears on the other side. I was afraid who I was gonna become here.

And that is how the rest of my life begun. First step on Taxim and I fell in love withe the city. Sun was there, as well.

Enjoy your journey lifelovers and world travellers,

Ana <3